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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......