Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
My innocent look never works in the nude.
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.