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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
How many decades of knowing someone before it`s rude to ask what their name is?
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east