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Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?