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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
I believe in love at first episode.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.