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i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.