Daily Silly Status

I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.

I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.

I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!

Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...

One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.

you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"

The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.

I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.

The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.

You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.

When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.

This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.

I`m having an out of money experience.

just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards

I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"