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I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
Starting to believe I`m trouble
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
My life is loosely based on a true story.
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.