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"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?