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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.