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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d like to bring a guest.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
It should really be called teethpaste.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.