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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early, so I left too.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.