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Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....