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Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.