Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.