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Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.