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Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you