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Always have a goal. Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.