Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I wish I wasn`t rich and handsome and delusional.
In space they just call it "Jam"
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.