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My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.