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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor’s trash so you don’t get robbed.
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.