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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.