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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Be good ... or I will text Santa
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.