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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.