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I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.