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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.