Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .