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i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.