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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.