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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
I have off-road rage, too
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
It takes balls to be a man.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.