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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.