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I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
My misery likes tequila, not company.