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Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.