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Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
I`m a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you`re responsible for this."
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?