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Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane Iām making has lace on it.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.