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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.