Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
Just so weβre on the same page, Iβm on 43.
Back in my day, we didnβt have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me Iβm an a$$hole.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
If I had a cooking show, it would be called βDo You Smell Something Burning?β
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I canβt even walk down my driveway in winter.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.