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Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.