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And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?