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I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.