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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.