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It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
I think eating is my kind of sport.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.
drinks well with others.