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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
Your personality needs alcohol.
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
This status is mine....I licked it.
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.