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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Save time. See it my way.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes