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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time :(