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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
How do I tell a man he loves me?
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?