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One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
Just another day of not being rich and famous.