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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what Iām talking about.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!