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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.