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We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally