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How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.