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is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
A man is as faithful as his options
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.