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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…