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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.