Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.