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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.