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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.