Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!