Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.