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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
Dear naps, I`m sorry I was such a jerk to you as a kid.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"