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This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
Gym Update: Not there.
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
The number one key to a successful marriage is alcoholism.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today