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Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…