Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
Don’t jump to confusions.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
Pro tip: Go the the gym on one of those 1 day free passes, take 365 selfies then post one every day.
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"