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I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out