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Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!