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Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you