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Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.