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I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?