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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!