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You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
lifes a laugh, start living it!
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.