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I drink to make other people interesting
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
I flunked anger management class.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
You are here: X
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
Your cat doesn`t love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
Like if you really googled to see if that kid really died from masturbating
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in