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I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
Save water, shower together.
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?