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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…